long way down - goo goo dolls

background song: goo goo dolls, become.

in a nutella shell, lie is an act of creative imagination - of a complex act, hardwired diversion from the truth.

you're charmingly naive if you believe everything from this  blog,  bloggers are like politicians, scam artists and zealots - known as the 'designers of reality'.

dr who experience - the girl who waited, almost astronaut, the wedding of the doctor and angels take manhattan: are in my long list of tear-jerking  episodes that i love to watch over and over again. i just love amy and rory together... can't remember how bad i cried when amy chose to be with rory after he disappeared and sent back to the past by the weeping angel. it was the most romantic episode after a good man goes to war, where rory waited for amy for 2000 years.

 although certain things were unrealistic and pretty dumb - they are good enough to remind myself that stupidity, good laugh are the best - at the end of the day after a long hard day at work. 

the thermodynamics of love

dear daisy,
new semester begin today, and my only disappointment is i may not be able to enjoy my late coming to work after this due to difficulty of finding a parking space. i enjoyed having breakfast at home, watching my nephew in the morning getting ready to school - with a lot of drama, running on a mill and watch or read news.

my sister and her family are leaving next week..... i don't know how to react accordingly, because it will be the first time for me to send off my beloved sister, her husband and kids abroad. the feeling is different, because i was always the one who left, with dreams and frustrations, longed to return with success and love.  to amend things and make up the loss time.  sometimes, circumstances will not allow me to reach out to people that i care and love, time may transform feeling and close heart off any gesture of solidarity and comfort. at such time,  despite grief and sadness, i seek prayers to the Highest order to convey my love and care to those i spare in thought.

i never thought that the feeling of letting my sister and her family go is so painful, that i imagine myself in a brink of collapse. i will miss the joy and laughter  awaiting me at the door every time i come back from work. there will be no more feeding fishes and tortoises at cyberjaya, no more tease on my braces and no more knocks at my door in morning when i prefer to tuck in bed and shut myself.

i never thought that leaving and staying would have different meanings. especially after losing so many people that i love in this year alone.

this remind me of a story, of a rose who always dream day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed in her petals.  she continued to dream on long nights, of heaven full of bees, bestowed fond kiss to the petals. her dreams keep her going on days and open up to the glorious ray of sunshine.

one night, the moon, who  knew of the rose's loneliness asked if she isn't tired of waiting.

the rose answered, that she has to possibly trying and keep remaining open.  otherwise she will perish and fade away.

and a lot of times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauties, the only option to resist is to remain open.

hopefully the energy of love will help to transform the man, reaching its end where circumstances seem possible for us to reach them.

Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

“You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

“I am Jack's complete lack of surprise. I am Jack's Broken Heart.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

“How everything you ever love will reject you or die. Everything you ever create will be thrown away. Everything you're proud of will end up as trash. ” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

“Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

“That old saying, about how you always kill the thing you love, well, it works both ways. And it does work both ways.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

.........................................

Light will guide you home, and ignite your soul

Think you’re escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home. - James Joyce.

Seems to me people are always searching for second chances and ways to start over new. It’s gotten to a point where some people go under the knife to revert the consequences of a night or several they no longer want to remember. Other change their postal codes searching for an escape. But is there really a real way to reboot your universe?

And what is suicide then, if not just another road to a possible escapism.

In a world so filled with pain and regrets, why haven’t we come up with a way to build ourselves up brand new and ready to live and love again? Is it wrong for me to believe that I have a chance to try again?

I want to believe I will regain my figure again.

I want to believe I will find peace again.

I want to believe I will find love again.

I want to believe I will find a way to forgive again.

Lately all I’ve been looking forward is tomorrow, and so everyday. We are always waiting for something. We are waiting for Friday every week. For a birthday, for the summer all year long. Until one day we wake up, having missed our life, having let it pass by while waiting for something. An illusion for a better time. For a better life.

Whatever happened to the idea of living each day as your last? Seeing a reason for everything that happens? Believing in purpose for all the pain we undergo. After all, timing is everything. So why can’t it be applied to escapes?

Is believing that moving away will give us a chance to start over is just as silly as turning to God when everything goes wrong? Silly not in a way that is judged. But just an obvious consolation for our hopeless state?

Is it too much to hope that after all this running we can finally come back home?

not all who wanders are lost

listening to: melody mocker album - oag. (orang asia genius)

“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next, to find ourselves. ... It's the epiphany that pretty girls smile the same way all over the world.

throwback: cycling trip to gyeongju in spring.

dear daisy,

in few days, i will be visiting gyeongju again for the third time - each in different season, autumn, spring and this time - summer - in lapse of 6 years. the feeling is very different this time and i'm looking forward for a lush greenery field, gyeongju bread and popsicles.
travel has always been personal to me, to capture vividly dioramas of life and times. and every time it had always been accompanied by great songs as if my life has been like some movies in black and white.
there is no plan this time, just a hotel reservation in the heart of the city - so i can enjoy more of the food, people and the night. a 22-year old friend will accompany me during this trip, pretty much i may need to dress up like a hipster and make fun of ex-es, just like taylor swift's 22. i'm sure, she will be telling me to act my age.

this is not a trip like eat, pray, love - i've never read or watch elizabeth gilbert's but good movies that i'd love should be uplifting, mind blowing, funny, happy and cool themes like fifty first dates.

my life has been very hectic recently with works, errant and breaking my heart into pieces over and over again over stupid things. but what's life without the spices - i've just got to embrace it! (hence wearing braces now - finally, i submitted to my parents' wish for tooth correction).

oh i need to stop now and read students' reports before leaving to work this morning. (had my sleep earlier because most great works are done at night).

i guess this is the time of the year that i need to pull myself together and enjoy what's life has to offer. being at home still the best, and i'm glad to be where i am today - with the beloveds.

love,
myr

books.

mom doesn't like my books making mess in her house.

crazy world - boyslikegirls

listening to: boyslikegirls

thunder

the song reminds me of wonderful summer and the garden that burst into life. can't wait to walk out and wave a long sweet goodbye to work. i'm having a serious writer's block at the moment, staying up late due to grant writing on medicinal plant.

the great escape

- throw it away. forget yesterday. watch it burn, let it die.

the song truly express my feeling at the moment, i need that great escape - in which i don't have any plan or clue about the trip that i'm going to venture next week. i'm practically broke because this is going to be my second trip abroad in just four months and my dad is complaining about my spending on vacation. ah, i'm selling everything that i bought from the UK to fund my trip.

be your everything

this is sweet. smile till it hurts. dont make it complicated. be your fling. be your everything.

stuck in the middle

someday things will get perfect.  it will be worth it.  i know things will get better. holding together. take your time.

so long, good night daisy.
-myr

06

the castle that inspired disneyland's - i really don't know how to spell the name of the place or even pronounce it correctly - but the meaning was new-swan-white-castle.

i'm thinking of going out again, after years in hiatus (was working too much in lab actually). first, i need a hair cut, wearing a scarf doesn't help. but i don't really care actually: ahh, seriously i wish someone would sing to me "meet virginia" and cries out loud 'i never care about your hair'.

listening to: california 37, train.

favorite: 50 ways of saying goodbye (or lies about how your bf dies). (i'd add die fast like fast food, please).

i want to be at the place where i can start all over again. gear- checked!

What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. 

I wanna call JD Salinger, and say thanks - it all sound absurd now because he is dead a very long time ago. 

Thoughts on real world

oh simple thing,
where have you gone,
i'm getting old and i need something to rely on.

reminds me of the commencement speech by bill watterson, the creator of kelvin and hobbes.

SOME THOUGHTS ON THE REAL WORLD BY ONE WHO GLIMPSED IT AND FLED 

A REAL job is a job you hate. I designed car ads and grocery ads in the windowless basement of a convenience store, and I hated every single minute of the 4-1/2 million minutes I worked there. My fellow prisoners at work were basically concerned about how to punch the time clock at the perfect second where they would earn another 20 cents without doing any work for it.
It was incredible: after every break, the entire staff would stand around in the garage where the time clock was, and wait for that last click. And after my used car needed the head gasket replaced twice, I waited in the garage too.

It's funny how at Kenyon, you take for granted that the people around you think about more than the last episode of Dynasty. I guess that's what it means to be in an ivory tower.

- Bill Watterson

Full transcript can be found at http://web.mit.edu/jmorzins/www/C-H-speech.html

lighters

i had a dream, i was a king, woke up, still a king.
living out our dreams. the sky is full of lighters.

Justin Timberlake - Not A Bad Thing (Live on The Tonight Show Starring J...

secondhand serenade and something beautiful

cracking mysteries from sherlock holmes's house

dear daisy,
i love the name something beautiful, so i decided to use the name again in this new leaf. whatever. its mine, unless robbie william wanna make a 100 million dollar claim - for the song with the same name.

myr

reminiscing, something beautiful in 2013.

a sky full of stars

dear daisy,

One of the happiest hari raya with the family, 2013 -  when pakngah was healthy and ayahlang was cool as he had always been.  This is home, full of love.

Cousins, and we grew up together in this house with mak when we were young and dangerous.

Ghost stories - a sky full of stars.

Atlas - some saw the sun, the smoke, the gun and bent the bow. sometimes the wire must tense for the note. caught in the fire, say oh... we are about to explode.

Goodnight daisy.

Dear daisy,

The life of the great Gatsby was actually not great at all, he was shot dead in the end, and never actually won the heart of Daisy Buchanan.  It was never an everlasting love.  And also not the kind of life that should be proud of.

I came across this quote from Benjamin Button 's note to his daughter this morning - i hope that you'll have a life that you are proud of, and if you are not, i hope that you have the courage to start all over again.

Unlike Gatsby, it was great to know that Benjamin had a good life with Daisy.

So good night Benjamin. Good night Daisy.

hello, summer!

songs: everything that played on nashville season 2.

coffee 

dear daisy,

rainy days are not suppose to be romantic. it's melancholic and depressing. unless you are with someone holding an umbrella. i love a nice blend of weather like spring, or autumn. welcome back to malaysia, yeay! where everyday is summer. 

inspired from watching 500 days of summer, i wrote a few stanza of things that taking back sunday would consider making into songs.

----------------------------------------------
roses are red
rainbows are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet

you made my heart bled
i'm gonna slice you into fillet
----------------------------------------------
twinkle twinkle little star,
you're the worst in my list so far

up, above the sky so high,
like a mammoth in the sky
----------------------------------------------
sweet like honeydew
bitter like you
---------------------------------------------
row, row row your boat,
gently down the stream,
marry, marry, marry...
marrying you is not my dream
--------------------------------------------
loving you is over,
you're so december,
------------------------------------------

the sublime and beautiful

song: talking to the moon, bruno mars.

dear daisy,

Camera cafe, in front of British Museum. 

the idea of sublime and beautiful is often greatly confounded, and discriminating each other. it sometimes can be confusing and repugnant, because the idea is very contradicting just like pain and pleasure, love and hate and joy and grief.

what makes a human is the ability to withstand troubles and to be able to smile at the same time.

something beautiful is the name i took from a song because sometimes it feels really great to walk out of the realm and experience the unknown. - there is beauty in everything.

camera cafe is a very nice place to visit, after a long day at british museum - was there for an extended visit from school of african and oriental studies on zoroastrian. (how i was stalled by the fact that mittal families originated from iran then to india and now became one of the richest in the UK).

i love the ambiance and the old school cameras that they put on display - i don't know if i remember how to pull a shot since leaving the scene in 2008.  well, i wrote a postcard to jieun and said this place reminded me of her ex-bf. she replied me with a curse. stupid!

strictly cash. and very jazzy atmosphere. instrumental songs. 

i'd love to write about cameras, but out of time at the moment due to class preparation. will do once i hv a time.

till then,
love, myr